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There is no perfect parenting or there is?


Parenting is a bliss. The joy of becoming a parent is unparalleled. From day one, most parents start planning and working towards shaping the child’s life. The sense of responsibility and ownership is very high which makes them want to become a perfect parent. But is there anything called perfect parenting?

 Yes! and No! Quite debatable isn’t it?

 Every person or a family functions on the basis of a specific value system. This value system is the result of upbringing, experiences in life and desires for the future. Your parenting style is a combination of strategies that are derived and guided by this specific value system.

Diana Baumrind, a well known clinical psychologist,classifies parenting style into these categories:

Authoritarian parenting

  • Disciplinarian, i.e wanting their kids to follow strict rules 
  • Children are not allowed to question parent’s decisions and are expected to obey blindly
  • Where parenting doesn’t have a room for discussions
  • Parents drawing high standards of expectations
  • Parents maintain a high level of psychological control through withdrawal of love and/or shaming kids for their ‘unexpected’ behaviour. 

Impact on children:

  • Shy and emotionally withdrawn
  • Low on confidence
  • Poor decision makers
  • Rebellious

Permissive Parenting  :

  • Warm and caring parents
  • Lenient with children
  • No discipline in terms of fixed routine to play, study, sleep etc.
  • Overly involved in pleasing their children
  • Letting go of kid’s bad behaviour

Impact on children:

  • Poor social skills
  • Behavioral problems 
  • Lack a sense of responsibility
  • Lead undisciplined life style

Uninvolved Parenting :

  • Neglectful parenting
  • Have low demands and expectations from the children
  • Children grow in a no-rule environment
  • Unresponsive and indifferent to the child’s action and behaviour

Impact on children:

  • Low social and emotional development
  • Behaviour is impulsive and non judgemental
  • Emotionally vulnerable 
  • Get into bad habits and addictions when they grow up

Authoritative parenting :

  • Warm and caring parents
  • High standards of expectations from the child
  • Do not demand blind obedience but reason out expectations with two-way communication
  • Draw clear limits on behaviour 
  • Encourage independence and autonomy
  • Earn respect rather than commanding it

Impact on children:

  • Child grows to be a happy and content person
  • Good social skills
  • Independent in their thoughts and actions
  • Self control over their emotions and actions
  • Accommodative
  • Confidently ask questions and take decisions 

A blend of all these parenting styles could probably result in best parenting. Well! Maybe! However, there is no perfect parenting. Every child is different and so are the challenges. A parenting style hence needs to be an overlap of few or all of these different styles. It ultimately bottles down to the quality aspect of parenting. The equation between a child and parent plays a vital role in shaping a child’s personality. This equation is a result of multiple factors like quality of a parent-child connection, the environment, mutual efforts and much more. How you parent your child plays a vital role in shaping his or her personality and hence the future to a large extent. 

So Parents, it’s time to identify your parenting style and ponder on how you can evolve in your style to give your child the best.


About the Author: HeyCloudy, The StoryLearning App is a screen-free Audio stories app for children between 2-8 years. HeyCloudy actively advocates “Parenting Through Stories” and helps new parents to prepare their child to be a happy and productive adult.

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